Tuesday, December 4

Life: "Those days when you just feel shitty"

It's been 2 months too late in updating this blog.
And this update is not even a beauty post. Wait, no, why am I feeling apologetic? This is a personal blog after all. Continuous typing begins now.

It's DECEMBER. The month where suicidal tendencies rise as high as obnoxiously ostentatious department store Christmas trees. The year is ending, and it's time to reflect on things that has been bothering me for quite sometime.

I've failed myself a couple of times in the span of my blog absence. You'd think that it takes a long time to make one stupid mistake up after another but noooo! I actually have the capacity to disappoint my family, my friends and myself in one go. I am grand slamming it up in the Not Impressed department.

I told myself midway this year: STOP BEING ANAL!!! Shit, I even penciled in my activities from June to December. What?! Who plans like that? ANAL RETENTIVE SHITHEADS LIKE ME THATS WHO. When I plan my life like that I get so irritated at life when there are curveballs---wow I can't even adapt like a normal human being! And I feel like I'm about to shit flames when plans get cancelled lol insane lang?

So I made a promise to myself to get rid of my organizer, get rid of any notion that life happens according to my scheduler. Because it doesn't. Get better at curveballs, Aicha. Love it. Live it. Shit happens. But don't say no to someone gifting you cute planner though!

On a non-related topic: I am so scared of showing skin. I have no clue why but, maaaan, everyday I dress like a cross between a manly girl and a young boy. It gets especially worse because in the recent years I developed an aversion to tops that hug my body. You know wai?

I am a fatso! Heya! The owner of this body is repulsed at herself, what more other people? I think I should just spare them from looking at my developing fats!

I want my skinny ass back. ;u;

But I am really beautiful though. Evidence: (quite a "determined to be disappointed" face there, eh.)

Am actually proud of myself for posting up a camwhore photo of myself. Don't remember taking one since June of this year. My resolution is to do more camwhores whether I like it or not.

I detest camwhoring quite a lot. Ironic as fuck. I especially hate solo camwhore ones! Whenever someone takes my picture I always NEED to have someone with me, too. I hate camwhore photos because I feel uselessly vain. There are a lot of vain people I know. I'm beautiful yes, I have good things; but I am human still! I still retain my weird insecurities about my caterpillar eyebrows and flat hair and thick lips to even venture into creating an entire Facebook album dedicated to my face.

I see it everyday; I don't need an album to validate over and over that yes indeed ladies and gents this is my face. But I need to do it so I will have a lot of practice with how to present myself in photos. But I think I need to put on gunk like make-up so the next time I see myself in the mirror and in pictures I'd be all: "Hayyy girl dang u so interestin' lookin'..."

To Myself: Next year, I want you to do the things you won't be able to do anymore. Dye your hair chocolate. Ombre it up with blue. Get piercings. But you won't because you're too safe and too square.

Next post won't be as crazy as this one I promise.
I will review a great deal about this chinese sweet tea I'm drinking. It's supposed to CLEAR YOUR SKIN by detoxifying those stuff inside your body and promote better digestion. Pretty cheap, too!
Stay tuned for that!

Until my next emotional breakdown.
Thanks for reading!

No comments: